1 month no posts - hmm.

Interrobang and Racketmensch came by to do laundry last week and the first thing I remember is being told that I live in isolation. That thought has stuck with me and I thank the speaker for launching it. I do live in isolation - in fact, I live in mulitple isolations. The person who said this has a way of seeing the world through the veils of misdirection which fascinates me because I cannot. What is see is what I expect. But now I see the isolation and recognize that it is not by accident - it is quite intentional. I am a great role-player and isolating my mulitple identities makes it easy to keep track of what I'm supposed to be doing. I then realized that I get very anxious when two isolated domains overlap - like having my kids over for Weds. night dinner and the drudgery-port laundering overlapped on Weds. For that brief period of time, I didn't know who I was or how to be.



This might be part of the problem with my dating life. Meeting a new person, I have no role to fit and thus end up way too anxious - more than is justified by the event itself.



I just read about nailbiting and my first reaction is, what the hell is that all about? Jesus, I've been a nail-biter all my life, but in the last ten years have been able to grow some length of fingernails. I heard my mom once say that nailbiters didn't get enough salt in their diet so they chewed on their fingers. Made me laugh at the time and I still don't buy it, though she said her mom gave her more salt and it stopped. For me, it's something different. It feels as though I don't want fingernails. They shouldn't be there - I don't use them for anything and when they grow they get in the way. I had the conceit that maybe fingernails will disappear in time due to evolution and I'm subconsciously aspiring to that, but that's how my mind churns.



I remember watching "The Two Towers" and seeing Frodos almost non-existant nails and wondering if they were fancy digital or prosthetic effects, or whether Elijah Wood was doing a DeNiro to his fingertips.